Fantastic Weekend.

This was a good trip. I’d been feeling nostalgic about Chicago lately, and missing parts of my life there, and contemplating in that back-of-your-mind kind of way what it might be like if I moved back some day. When I drove away in April I wasn’t leaving anything behind that I hadn’t loved for the time I was there. There were things I was moving away from, but not to escape them, just to grow up from them. So I was afraid that I’d get off the plane on Thursday, drive through the city, go for a drink, walk around my old neighborhood, and wish I still lived there. But I don’t, and that’s a really good feeling.

Since graduating from college I’ve felt kind of pulled from one place to another, without feeling like I could ever safely start to put down roots in any one place. Maryland was always a temporary stay, and although at first Chicago felt like it might be permanent, slowly that idea showed itself to be less and less likely. I told myself I wanted to move to North Carolina because I wanted to live in a place I felt could be permanent, but I’ve only been in Charlotte since July, and that’s not a lot of time for a place to really be home. Missing Chicago the last couple weeks was kind of unsettling, in an actual sense of feeling not-settled anymore, but being back for the weekend was just what I needed to feel settled again.

Everything was just as I left it – maybe some people had lost a little weight, my friends’ kids were six months bigger, new businesses had opened, new construction had started…but it was comforting to know the city was still there, and that my presence or absence makes very little difference. Comforting because it means I can go away for as long as I want to, and come back, and it’s still there. Nothing is happening that I’m missing out on. I think I’m always a little paranoid about missing out on things. Not that I really thought the city would disappear Brigadoon-style, but our egocentric selves have a tendency to imagine that if we can’t see things, they stop existing. It’s good to be put in our place sometimes. It’s good to feel small.

I heard a speaker talk last week about how we have such a hard time holding on to God’s promises to us, really trusting that he wants to give us good things. The guy was speaking in the context of relationships, and how often we hold on to relationships we know aren’t what we need, or even what we want, because we don’t really believe that God wants us to find the intimacy we’re looking for. We try to grab hold of what little of it we can get on our own. I think the same idea holds true in so many other areas of life, and I know for me it’s been a struggle to really hold onto the promises God’s made that convinced me to go out on the biggest damn limb ever and pick up my whole life and move it to Charlotte.

I had a great time this weekend, catching up with friends and spending time with people who mean a lot to me. I got pistachio gelato at L'Appetito with Shan.

We dressed up for Halloween (Shan was an owl, I was Mr. Rogers) but I failed to take any photos of our get ups, and will have to get them from Shan. I went to Covenant on Sunday, got brunch at the Bristol with my fantastic small group ladies and stopped by Pastoral later for some fancy cheese. I got to enjoy the 146, 77 and 50...none of which I can say I missed especially. Waiting for the bus though at least gives you the chance to look around and enjoy the outdoors...which was GORGEOUS and cool and the leaves were all yellow and blowing all around.

I think what’s even better about this weekend though was that God relented a little bit, and gave me a little reminder of why I really should trust him after all. I didn't freak out and want to move. I didn't notice all the things in Chicago I miss in Charlotte - in fact, I missed things in Charlotte that I realized I didn't have in Chicago. I’m still thrilled to be in Charlotte, I’m still excited for my future there, I’m still thankful for my time in Chicago and grateful for everything it taught me, and I’m still ready for whatever’s next!